I have a confession, this is hard to admit but I feel that I
need to release this. I at times suffer from self-doubt and insecurity. I do my
best to hide this, to put on a smile everyday and say inspiring things to those
that I care about. I do not like to admit that I have these feelings and do
whatever I can to hide them from everyone. There have been times that these
thoughts have crept into my head and have caused me to not act, to stick within my comfort
zone and to distrust my own capabilities.
Why?
I don’t know, I can’t fully explain it, is it due to
situations that happened while growing up, maybe. Is it this insatiable need for perfection, that is a possibility too.
Another issue that rattles through my mind is the consistent
pull of obligation, that overwhelming feeling of guilt, so often we are taught to be mindful of others that we lose
sight of the fact that we must be mindful of ourselves. It is impossible to
make others happy on a deep and emotionally significant level, if we ourselves
are not happy within. So why is it that so often we feel that another’s happiness is
held to a superior level than our own?
I have come to
realize that so many of us have these thoughts that act as little demons on our
shoulders, they creep into our minds at the most inconvenient times and cause us
to doubt everything about ourselves, what we are doing, saying and thinking,
yet we will never admit that we go through this.
But why hide from these feelings and insecurities , why not share
these experiences with others so that we can assist each other in muffling out
these demobilizing thoughts and see the great amazing souls that we truly are?
Can we ever genuinely be our own true authentic selves if we do not
embrace the battles that we fight within? Coming face to face with those
demons and letting them know that they no longer have a home within us and
being able to share this journey with others that understand and can relate is
such a freeing and euphoric feeling.
So here I am, admitting it, not being embarrassed by it and teaching
myself that my wellbeing, needs and emotions are just as important as the next
person, even those that I love and cherish. Exposing my vulnerability and
allowing others to express themselves and to choose positivity from within is
the mission. Got happiness? Yes, I am on my way there and I hope that you are as
well.
