Comfortably Uncomfortable

As you guys know I have been on this mission to push myself outside of my normal boundaries and force myself to do things that normally make me uncomfortable, and one of those things has been dating. Yikes, right!  Now a quick background on my dating life….or lack thereof! I have never really dated, I know, I’m a mid-thirties woman who is just entering the dating world and oh boy is it quite an interesting journey. I had always only dated people that I already knew, but now it’s time to expand, put myself out there and meet some new people. I had in the past tried to dabble in it, I’ve made quite a few online profiles and gone through the process of the chatting with people but nothing had ever really materialized or as I’m learning, I really didn’t put any effort into it.

Well that has changed in recent weeks and here is where the adventure begins. It was a really weird thing, I began chatting with someone from one of those online dating sites and he happened to be in my area, like literally IN.MY.TOWN, he was there visiting a family member and said, “Hey I’m here in your area, lets hang out.” I got super nervous, I had never just gone out with someone that I didn’t know and thankfully I had to work that night so, crises averted.  But he didn’t give up, he was still in the area a few days later and again said, “so what are your plans tonight, lets hang out”, shit, ok, I was still at work, and said, screw it, I’m going in, there was something about him and our conversation that made me feel ok about actually meeting. We made plans to meet at a local pub in my town and I started to feel really confident about it, I mean this was the farthest I had ever gotten to a real date and for a moment I felt great, I was doing this. Then I got nervous as the minutes ticked on and it was getting closer to the time for me to leave and go get ready, I began to have cold feet, should I just cancel, what the hell was I was getting myself in to!

I convinced myself on the ride home that I couldn’t do this and thought I was going to cancel again, then he texted saying he couldn’t wait to meet me, so I gave myself another pep talk and ran home to start getting ready as my heart raced and I realized I WAS doing this. I cleaned up quickly and changed, surprisingly I even came up with an outfit fast without changing my mind a few times and headed out. I got to the pub looked around and didn’t see him or anyone that looked at least similar to his pic in his profile, so I took a seat at the bar and texted him, he said he was on his way. I ordered a beer and waited, and waited, shit, so here I am finally putting myself out there and now I think I am getting stood up! I begin texting my best friend what I had done and giving her the low down about what I knew about him, then…..he walked in.

I stood up to say hello and stepped on his feet, (face palm) of course, my clumsy self would do that. We sat at the bar and talked, and talked and….talked. My fear of being awkward and not being able to hold a conversation was forgotten, I mean the beer helped to take the edge off too, but I’ll take most of the credit for not being as socially awkward as I had assessed myself to be. He was pretty interesting himself another traveler who had been to many of the same places I had been and we wound up having quite a few things in common.  We were talking so much that I didn’t realize that it was 1am and they were yelling for last call a few hours later.

Actually putting myself out there into that comfortably uncomfortable spot wasn’t anywhere near as bad as I thought it would be, I mean I actually had a great time, I had met this really cool person whom I have since seen a few times since then. Is he the one, most likely not, but I am now more open for the next Bumbler that does seem intriguing enough to go out and actually meet in person and who knows what might come of it! :)

Let it go....

The last weekend in July, that wonderfully hot and humid weekend where I usually wander to the farm land area in New Jersey in order to partake in the annual Hot Air Ballon Festival was met this year, just like the past 8 or so years prior but with a bit more meaning this go round. You see, every year I go by myself, I enjoy my alone time and this is one thing that in all of these years that I have completely enjoyed solo. I go eat, walk around looking at vendors, get a tarot reading (yea, yea) drink some beer, listen to live music all while enjoying the outdoors before the actual Hot Air Balloons ascend, and then I normally get to capture some pretty damn amazing shots. Sounds like an amazing “me time” right?! 

Well this year while embracing this whole get outside of my comfort zone thing that I’m doing, I brought a friend, I was a bit nervous about sharing this experience, will my friend think that this is corny, make fun of me, think I’m lame, you know, those stupid thoughts that we at times allow our minds to wander to. I decided not to care, I mean I cared but I’d get over it, if it just wasn’t their thing, It wasn’t their thing! I mean I was the one that held this weekend sacred to myself every year. So I threw expectations out the window and decided I was just going to enjoy and not worry about any judgements. 

I held my breathe as we sat on the grass, enjoyed a beer and listened to Creedence Clearwater Revival play, then i looked over and my friend was enjoying them self! Later as the balloons began to ascend into the colorful sunset, I saw them too light up with excitement as the balloons filled the sky and they partook in the “ohhing and ahhing” as each new ballon rose up. Low and behold my friend had an amazing time, was completely enamored with the event and said they could not wait until next year to do it again. And more importantly I ENJOYED sharing this day! I allowed someone else into my bubble and they didn’t run away screaming and yelling and they too had a great time, who woulda thunk?!?

 I am learning more and more each day that the judgments that I thought others had about me are merely all in my head and barriers that I have created on my own. So moral of the story.....just like those balloons floating freely in the air, let yourself go and be free, you just might enjoy it! ;)